My journey to get in touch with my innermost essence has brought me to a place of emotional indifference to people’s opinions about me. I am now immune to people’s insistence that I should take their perception, judgment, and ideas on who I am, what I should feel or think and how I should behave. Even though such unsolicited advice is often presented to me as “for your own good”; I declare that I am under no obligation to accept it.
I no longer care what other people think of me. I trust my own inner judgment to differentiate between right and wrong, my own inner wisdom on what should or should not do. I am not perfect, but nobody else is perfect either. However, I know myself better than anybody else’s understanding of me.
I know that my intentions are pure, I feel the genuine love I emanate for myself and others, I have confidence in the wisdom of my soul, and I trust my intuition.
I have built this level of self-awareness and self-esteem after years of tackling some of the toughest challenges life had presented me. Life tested me, purified me, and has me brought to this high degree of self-reliance.
It is, therefore, most logical that I follow my intuition over anybody else’s agenda for me. I might make mistakes, that’s okay, I will own them, and I will recover. I will ask for advice when I need one, and from the people, I choose to ask for help from.
I know some people may create a totally distorted image of me in their head, but they tend to do so even if I tried to convince them otherwise. The fact is that each one of us has full freedom on what opinions we want to form about whom. I respect that freedom for others and also for myself.
As I become emotionally independent; I know I will lose some people’s approval, their “love” and their validation. That is perfectly fine.
I know that real love is unconditional and flows freely from the heart. I have learned that from my direct experience of loving and accepting myself and others.
I refuse to be emotionally recruited by people who ask me to “prove myself” to be worthy of their approval, love or any such psychological gratification they seem to be withholding from me. They may try their best to provoke me to do what they want me to do, just to prove to them that I am a good person, that I have high moral and ethical standard, that I am capable, that my love is pure, that my experience was real.
Such people will be disappointed because I no longer accept such bets. I have proven it to myself without any shadows of doubt that I am an awesome person, that I care and nurture, that I love unconditionally and that I am capable of doing anything that needs to be done. I know this through and through in my blood and my bones to be true, and I see no point in trying to prove it to somebody else just because they demand it.
Such demand does not motivate me, and I can’t even emote anger, guilt, frustration or sadness because all these emotions are functions of my precious energy. I see no point in wasting my energy in this fruitless activity. See, you can not withhold something from me like love, acceptance, validation that I am capable of giving myself at will. I am too aware and too wise to fall for such manipulation.
I am willing and delighted to be alone, to live a simple drama-free life, and follow my heart wherever it takes me. It is okay if nobody is there alongside me, it is okay if people I loved with all my heart and worked so hard for, end up walking away from me because they dislike that I set a boundary that they need to respect when interacting with me.
I let them go if they want to go. Those who don’t want me to value myself, can’t manage to treat me with basic human decency and respect, or allow me to have healthy boundaries for myself, should feel free to leave me. I will even encourage them to do so. I harbor no ill will or grudge against them, nor do I expect them to change. I have simply decided to make my dignity non-negotiable.
My inner world is a sacred ground where my creative spirit is tending to novel ideas and works of art in their infancy. It is not a place for emotional toxicity. Nobody is entitled to use to my inner space as a dumping ground for their hazardous emotional byproducts. Any fancy title, social status, or relationship with me does not automatically make you entitled to my inner world. I work relentlessly to keep my inner space clean and others can dwell with me there only with my consent.
When I feel the need for company, I will be with selected few who recognize my spirit, who genuinely respect my being, value my heart and my intuition, who not only give me permission but encourage me to be most authentic and cherish my presence in their lives. These people are emotionally independent as well and they understand the function and importance of interpersonal boundaries. Rich, fulfilling interpersonal relationship is possible only among such emotionally autonomous individuals.
This is my declaration of emotional independence. With this, I declare that I am under nobody else’s rules, standards or governance to feel guilty, at fault or sorry for genuine expressions of myself. I also assume full responsibility for my emotional wellbeing as part and parcel of my independence.
We, the emotionally independent are a rare kind today, and we are free from shackles of co-dependency, narcissistic abuse, and other such emotional ailments. We are the ones who are preparing the ground for the next evolutionary level of human consciousness.
I invite you to join us.
The Free Ingenuous Spirit.
Author Maithilee Samant is a certified life coach and would love to help you reclaim your emotional independence. Find out more…
Hearty congratulations on your independence!
I envy you as I am not yet there, but I am trying. 🙂
Thanks! And you hang in there. We all reach that stage finally. As a life coach, I am working to get people there faster, the ones who have reached the stage where they start seeing the folly, they are ready for the next step!
Thank you for this post. I think this is your boldest writing to date!
“Declaration of Emotional Independence” is a post with a strong voice; unlike my past posts which are more on the softer side. So I got some calls and texts from concerned friends and family. I am consolidating the questions and answers here.
1. What is happening to me?
Nothing! I am just getting bolder. This writing is an artistic expression of my insights after years of observations, life experiences combined with my coaching practice and study of psychology.
2. Have I been emotionally manipulated?
Yes, of course, and who is not? It is unfortunate, but emotional manipulation is very common, right from advertisers to politicians, from families to nations, emotional manipulation is a common practice. If you are human and over 2 years old, you know emotional manipulation and you have been emotionally manipulated! Collectively, we are all victims and also perpetrators.
The chronic problems occur when a relationship is solely founded on emotionally manipulating the other. That gives rise to co-dependent or narcissistic relationships.
First and foremost important aspect of being immune to emotional manipulation is being able to set clear and non-negotiable boundaries.
3. Can I know more about being emotional independent? How can I get there?
Stay tuned. I will be writing more on this topic on my blog. I have a lot to share! Thank you for your concerns and questions, I appreciate it.